Q & A with Mullet Man

Q: DEAR MULLET MAN,

WHAT’S THE GO WITH THESE FISHING TOURNAMENTS WHERE ALL THE ANGLERS SHIRTS ARE COVERED IN LOGOS AND THEIR BOATS ARE JUST ONE BIG ADVERTISING SPACE? WE WANT TO GO IN THESE COMPS BUT MY TINNY IS PURE GREY AND WE ONLY EVER WEAR BLUE SINGLETS, STUBBIES AND A FLANNO FOR THE COLD. D’YA RECKON THEY’D LET US IN, CAUSE WE CATCH SHITLOADS OF FISH?

KEVIN AND BRUCE. LOGAN QLD.

A: Dear Kevin and Bruce,

If you really want to do well in a fishing tournament you will need to get a bit flasher I reckon. Go to the next tackle show and take pics of all your fish. Put it on all the displayers that you want sponsorship from them and you reckon you’ll win every tournament you’ll go in. You could even try hitting them up for a new boat. Ask for cash as well. Talk yourself up to the max. Tell them you are the greatest angler on the planet, and drop a few names you’ve heard of along the way, making sure you talk them down. Just realise that every other tournament angler is doing exactly the same thing, as are half the fishing writers. But if you don’t ask, you won’t know. It’s all about having a go.

When they all tell you to fuck off, at least ask for a sticker. Grab every sticker you can get your hands on. At the end of the tackle show you’ll have a couple of hundred stickers, enough to turn that old grey tinny into a work of art. As far as shirts go, get something in blue like the fisheries officers wear. Epaulettes are great. Stick about 5 aerials on the tinny and an orange flashing light, and you’ll get to fish spots in the tournament on your own for as long as you want.

Good luck and give me a plug when you are on the podium.